Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Guest's E-mail, Translated.

A colleague decided to share this e-mail she received from a guest with me. On the surface, it appears to be a an eager tourist that wants to take in as much of the Big Apple as she can and just needs a little nudge in the right direction. But being the one with experience with these people, I decided to take a closer look…
Hello (Concierge), and thank you very much for the information.
Ehhhhh. Thank you for being nicer than you have to be. I will now take advantage of you.
Regarding the Transportation: we are 2 adults and 2 children, and we’ll have 4 suitcases (taking into account everybody’s suggestions we may have 5 suitcases to comeback, because the shopping!!). We’ll arrive at JFK Airport.
Ehhhh. My husband, myself and our 2 mediocre children will have 4 bags of shit we don’t need. We will then buy a new suitcase to pack full of nike t-shirts and Aeropostale jeans. We will then waste the money we think we’re going to save buying clothes in your country by upgrading our vehicle to transport it.
Regarding the City Tours: I am really interested in visiting (if possible) the Crown tour at the Statue of Liberty, and I have tried to book it through the webpage that you have sent to me. But without success. I don’t know if all the ticktes are really sold out (as it appears) or if it is an internet problem. Could you help me with this adventure?
Ehhhh. Here I am going to reveal my sheer laziness and expose that I do in fact understand how the internet works, I just don’t feel like doing anything myself. I am also going to inquire with as many people about doing something that is impossible until I get the answer I want. I will be calling your colleague tomorrow.
About the tour: I’ve seen (Gray Line internet page) the Hop on Hop off buses All Loops Tour. I think it may be better the tour offered in Spanish Language (my family don’t speak too much English; and my English is not too good).
Ehhhhh. As you can see in this email, I speak perfect English. But I don’t feel like it. So my playing dumb commences…
We are also interested in The Big Apple, Liberty Helicopter Tour + going to Rockefeller center (Top of the Rock included) + Empire State Building + Intrepid Sea and Space Museum + Natural History Museum + a Musical at Broadway + dinner in diferent restaurants (I have the names and locations). In fact, I am looking for prices and so on (and I have our plan almost defined).
Ehhhhh. I would also like to waste thousands of dollars on the same exact view from several different perspectives, the Ben Stiller museum, a military museum so my husband can tell his friends that he did something masculine, either Mamma Mia!, The Lion King or Phantom of the Opera, and fine American cuisines like Red Lobster, Applebees and Outback Steakhouse. In fact, I would like you to send me all the prices, so I can eliminate 90 percent of the things I just mentioned from the to-do list.
My question is: Is it possible to work with you helping me to organize all these “adventures” and getting some kind of good price?
Ehhhhhh. It is possible for you to plan my vacation for me? We want the best seats to the hottest event at a discount price, world class service without having to pay gratuity, and second, third and even fourth opinions on all the information you give me.
Please, I don’t want to be rude, so if you consider I am exceeding my questioning, please tell me and I only ask for the airport transfer.
Ehhhh. Please, I know that I’m rude. But I’m under the impression that you love your job, and you want to make my vacation fantastic.
In any case, I want to thank you very much for your help!!
Ehhhhh. In any case, I still think Americans are scum and no matter how well I’m treated during my stay, I will turn my nose at any American tourist that comes my way.

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