Tuesday, October 8, 2013

A Doorman vs Taxi Driver Quickie

It's 5pm and it's pouring. A family of ten rednecks want three taxis to go to a steakhouse located exact four blocks from the hotel. A taxi, with their light shining available, pulls up: 

Taxi Driver - "Where they going?" 

I try to open the door. He's locked it shut. 

Doorman - "Your on-duty light is on." 

Taxi Driver - "Where they going?" 

Doorman - "Local." 

Taxi Driver - "WHERE?!?"

Doorman "I don't know where, just take the fucking fare!" 

As expected, he peels out. Unfortunately for him, he gets stuck at the light. 

I'd say "genius strikes", but that's a little extreme. Let's go with "immaturity strikes". 

I give it about ten seconds, then sprint to his car. My black overcoat soars in the wind. 

I get to the car and bang on the window. 

Doorman - "BUDDY! BUDDY!!! You want an airport fare?" 

His eyes light up like a child on a suprise visit to the ice cream shop. His open-mouthed smile stretches the winkles in his weathered face. 

Taxi Driver - "YES! Please! Thank you, sir!" 

Pause. 

Doorman - "Go fuck yourself!" 

His face sinks as my hilarious imagination plays The Price is Right loser horn. 

I walk away. The light turns green. He waits at the light for another sixty seconds till he finally gets the hint. 

I eventually get the taxis for the rednecks. The first two stiff me, the last one gives me a five. 

Had I gotten stiffed by all, the taxi driver may have had a shot. But this was an easy one to score: 

Doorman - 3 
Taxi Driver - 1

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