Saturday, March 29, 2014

Nice Poker Face, Dick

I have 15 minutes to go on my lunch break, it's Saturday night, it's raining, and the TV in the locker room is broken, so I can't secretly watch reruns of Full House.

In leu of all this, I'd like to post a quick story in the now 13 minutes that I have left on my break: 

A man, a real salty son of a bitch, who has been giving everyone nothing but attitude throughout his entire stay, approaches me inquiring about reserving a limo to the airport tomorrow. 

Man - "I need a stretch limo to the airport tomorrow." 

Doorman - "Okay, how many people and how many suitcases?" 

Man - "Six people, seven suitcases." 

Doorman - "Okay."

(Checks rates.) 

Doorman - "That'll be $130, which includes all tolls and taxes. Though it doesn't include a tip for the driver." 

Not that the driver would benefit much from this fucking asshole. 

Man - "No! No! Unacceptable! I have another company that will charge me only $110!" 

I didn't have time for haggling. It was pouring, people needed taxis, and there was money to be made. 

Doorman - "So why don't you call that company then?" 

A staredown. He gives me his best poker face. I wanted to see if he was bluffing. We intensely studied each other. I could tell he was a shiester, a real penny-pincher. He was eyeballing me big-time, as if all of the money were going into my pocket. He was sadly mistaken. 

I refuse to break eye contact. Ten seconds go by. His eyes look away and his gaze hits the floor. He is defeated. 

Man - "Fine. $130 is okay." 

Victory: Doorman!!!

I take his information and smugly slide the reservation card across the bell desk. He doesn't thank me. Not that I give a fuck, I  just guaranteed a nice little commission to be waiting for me when I come in tomorrow. 

Unless, of course, he just went and called the other guy. 

Okay, break's over. Bye. 

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