Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Doorman Sees the Repercussions of His Antics

Maybe it's my blog catching on amongst doormen in New York City. Or maybe this is an age-old trick that those who came before me have been doing for as long as my profession has been in existence.

Whatever the case, this is hilarious (if you've been reading my blog for a long time, you will also find it to be a wonderful treat):

It was a slow night, and I was pacing around the sidewalk near the street, as I usually do when I'm completely losing my sanity after hours of redundancy and public humilation. 

I'm glad I was out there and not dicking around somewhere in the lobby, because I saw a beautiful sight- a hatch-back taxi slowly driving down the Manhattan avenue, with the trunk wide open, and the cabbie completely oblivious. 

At the time I didn't think anything of it. I thought it were just some guy who forgot to close his trunk after he dropped people off, so I raised my hand and yelled out to him. 

Doorman - "Yo! Buddy!" 

He pulled over as if I were hailing him. He rolled down the window, and it appeared that he were calming down from a previous confrontation. 

Cabbie - "Yes, sir?" 

Doorman - "Oh, I don't have a fair, my friend. Your trunk is open."

I shut it. 

Doorman - "There ya go. Have a good night, buddy." 

He said nothing. A tremor of wild tension rumbled toward me from his blackened eyes. His face began to quiver with rage as a madness washed over his sunken demeanor. Whatever conflict he had just come out of, I'd inadvertently reignited it. 

Cabbie - "Mother fucking cock sucker fucking doorman mother fucker!!! I'LL FUCK HIS ASS!!!" 

He whipped the steering wheel all the way to the right, then peeled out as if were the getaway driver in a botched armored car heist. 

He had a destination in mind, and it was cleary after the doorman who'd inspired that colorful symphony of rapey swears. 

At first, I was confused. Then I saw the image that sent me into a cackle-fit: 

A doorman, who had whatever altercation with the cabbie, proudly watching his little hatch-back taxi take off down the street. The doorman who knew the cabbie had left thinking he'd won, only to be stopped by some Good Samaritan along the way, pointing out that he were driving around with his trunk wide-open, like an asshole. The doorman who probably thought that the altercation was over. 

Now the cabbie was on his was back for more. 

I'd hate to start trouble for a fellow doorman, but the cabbie's discovery of his little game was inevitable.  

And it's nice to see that I'm having an impact. Somewhere. 

No comments:

Post a Comment