Saturday, July 5, 2014

Doorman Gets Hit On, Blows It

Upon making a withdrawal at TD bank, I was greeted by a friendly, gorgeous bank teller:

Doorman- "I'd like to make a withdrawal, please."

Girl - "Your name is Christopher Michael Russell the third?"

Doorman- "Yup!"

Girl - "Wow, that's quite the regal name you have!"

Doorman - "Thanks! Never heard that before."

Girl - "Are you going to name your son Christopher the 4th?"

Doorman - "I'm not married, so I have a while to think about that."

She smiles.

Girl - "You're not married? That's surprising!"

Doorman - "Not yet!"

She's hitting on you, dummy.

Girl -"So when you get married, will your son be the 4th?"

Doorman - "Well, it'll probably be up to my wife."

Girl - "Good answer!"

She smiles again, this time more inviting. She wants me to ask for her number. I panic.

Doorman - "So, uh, er... it's too bad my bank account doesn't reflect my regal name."

Oh God. 

She laughs. There still may be hope.

Girl - "Would you like the balance, Christopher?"

Say something suave. 

Doorman - "Nope, don't remind me."


She hands me my receipt.

Girl - "Here you go!"

Doorman - "Thank you."

I stand there stupidly for what seems an eternity. I try to make a sentence with my mouth, but the words are jumbled in my brain. She looks up from the computer and smiles.

Girl - "Is there anything else I can help you with, Mr. Russell the third?"

Would you maybe want to get a drink with me sometime? WOULD YOU MAYBE WANT TO GET A DRINK WITH ME SOMETIME? 

Doorman - "Um, uh... you know what? I'll take that balance!"

You suck.

Her smile fades to befuddled disbelief.

Girl - "Of your checking account?"

Doorman - "Yes, please."

Girl - "Oh-kay... I'll need your debit card again."

Doorman - "You know what? Never mind!"

I turn and bolt out, outrunning my dignity by a mile. Better luck next time.

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1 comment:

  1. You could try pretending women were taxi drivers? Maybe tone it down a tad....